Lesson #1) Don’t trust a stranger to evenly distribute sunscreen on you.
Lesson #2) Don’t trust a stranger to have evenly distributed sunscreen on you when he says, ‘I always get sunscreen with bronzer in it because darker skin is less likely to burn.’ I still got burned, jackass.
Lesson #3) If someone interrupts you in the midst of telling a friend a story just so they can talk, politely tell them to fuck off and continue telling your friend the story.
Lesson #4) If you friends tell you to meet at a lifeguard tower and you were expecting to just have daiquiris at a restaurant, buy yourself some sunscreen so Lessons #1 and #2 don’t happen.
Lesson #5) If any of Lessons #1 – #4 happen, don’t hesitate to excuse yourself to either a) get sunscreen because you’re white and don’t handle sun exposure especially well or b) leave entirely.
Lesson #6) If someone (especially if the someone is the same someone from Lessons #1 – #3) mocks you because his bandwagon team beat your team in the conference tournament, politely tell them to fuck off and leave.
Lesson #7) Alternatively, if any of the Lessons mentioned above happen, go exploring. You’re at a beach. There are likely to be people you find attractive around. Use your small talk skills and see if you can make a new friend (this is more for me, but if you can find it useful, by all means, introduce yourself)!
That’s all for today. I think I’ll use this format when something pisses me off and I want to talk about it. Do y’all like this format?