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It’s finally stating to slow down at work not that I’m surprised because the end of July/the beginning of August into September is the traditional ‘slow season’ for my work because the Summer vacation season is winding down, the school year is ramping up, and that results in a slow season for the rental car industry… at least at my branch and that’s because a good 60% of my branches business is through the local bodyshops/dealerships that are around and as the traffic slows down in late July through September the number of crashes/accidents/breakdowns decreases which results in me actually having some time to sit in a chair and rest a bit as I’m Service Agent which entails driving people to and from various locations and cleaning and washing the cars that will be rented… I enjoy my position currently partly because of the work and partly because of the health insurance, but is it a career?… No… I’m still kinda figuring out what I want to do with my career… as soon as I figure that out I’ll let y’all know…

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I’m lazy. For which I apologize.

I started this series wanting to write

Every day for this month, but life/

Laziness got in my way. But I’ll

 

Forge ahead and do my best to not

Procrastinate as is my usual

Way of doing things. In other news…

If you haven’t listened to the musical

 

Group ‘Royal Blood’ what are you doing with

With your life? Unless you’re not a straight up

Rock fan. In which case, you do you boo boo.

To each their own and I respect your choices

 

In music. In other news… I bought a

New bicycle… frame-set and I’m super

Excited to build it and add my own

Flair to said build. Do I have spreadsheet

 

With my dream build and price? Yes, I do. Come

At me bro! I’m a geek and proud! What’s up?!

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Fair Warning: This is gonna get real heavy real quick.

For the past at least 5 years I’ve said that I’ll probably need another surgery around age 30.

I’m around age 30.

FUUUUCK…

I only came to that realization at therapy this morning. I got a call 4-6 weeks ago that I was due for my annual check-up and I’ve been putting off calling them back to set up an appointment because subconsciously I didn’t want to face it. It being the fact that my prophecy might be coming true.

My eternal optimism did take a hit when I realized that.

But 12 hours later and it’s still a bit hurt.

I’m scared.

But… I’m scared.

It sucks I have to go through this, but my father has had 6 hip replacements, my sister has had kidney stones multiple times, one of my grandmothers has had cancer multiple times. We all deal with the shit that is life. Some are dealt a better hand than others, but we all deal with some sort of shit now and then. My shit just happens to be chronic and every-so-often for the extent of my life.

I’m scared

I’m scared, but I’ll face it and conquer it. Because, like I said above, I’m the eternal optimist. And this won’t get me. I’ve gone through two of these already. Who’s to say I won’t be able to get through a 3rd?

Being scared is ok.

Bowing to being scared is ok.

Not getting your annual check up done is not ok.

My task from my therapist this week is to call and schedule my annual check-up.

I will do this.
I have to do this.

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I’ve been super weepy in the past week

Or so. It was curious to me at first, but

Upon reflection, I’ve been off my meds

For three weeks. While that doesn’t sound long

 

Apparently it’s more than enough to

Take you from stable to not so much which

Includes getting more weepy at smaller

Emotional cues. Music has always hit me harder

 

Than other forms of art, but I haven’t

Ever gotten teary listening to Hayley

Williams sing her songs. Which is fine with

Me… at home. I’d rather not do that at

 

Work or in the car. But since I’m back

On my medicines I’m back to my

Even keeled temper, which is nice.

For the first time in too long I’m seeing

 

My Therapist tomorrow and I’m quite

Excited to see her as she makes my life more bright.

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I wrote about my increasing love for you last night

Though I may have overstepped my bounds. I was

Projecting my feels on you. I hope you can forgive me

As I was feeling a lot of feels, as evidenced by yesterdays poem.

 

I won’t retract my potentially puppy love post as I

Still have that feeling. What I will go back on is my questions

Directed towards you. Like ‘did you want to play footsie?’

Or ‘Did you want me to offer a hand?’ Those are questions

 

Directed at me and not you. I’m still figuring out if what I felt

Was long held puppy love or possibly something more,

But I’ll only find out when we next meet or even beyond that.

And to conclude this poem I just wanted to mention, when I was

 

Watching Deadpool, the female lead reminded me of someone

And it turns out it was you. I hope you’ve had a good week!

 

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I’ve felt this way for many a girl

But you constantly stick in my mind

I’ve known you for many a year

Though as we’ve matured, so has my love

 

I’ve always looked for love but always slightly

In vein. But over the last couple years I’ve fallen

From interested to infatuation to almost in love

I only classify because I want your thoughts

 

Do you have similar thoughts/feelings?

Were my shoulder to shoulder touches too much

Or too little? Did you want me to offer a hand to hold

Or play a game of footsie to express my interest?

 

I would’ve played footsie but my social anxiety

Slash my hesitancy with romantic engagement

Got in the way. If you have similar feelings/thoughts

 

Slash wanted me to engage in a romantic fashion

I hope you can forgive me. I’ll always be her if you need me.

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I’ve felt this way for many a girl

But you constantly stick in my mind

I’ve known you for many a year

Though as we’ve matured, so has my love

 

I’ve always looked for love but always slightly

In vein. But over the last couple years I’ve fallen

From interested to infatuation to almost in love

I only classify because I want your thoughts

 

Do you have similar thoughts/feelings?

Were my shoulder to shoulder touches too much

Or too little? Did you want me to offer a hand to hold

Or play a game of footsie to express my interest?

 

I would’ve played footsie but my social anxiety

Slash my hesitancy with romantic engagement

Got in the way. If you have similar feelings/thoughts

 

Slash wanted me to engage in a romantic fashion

I hope you can forgive me. I’ll always be her if you need me.