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Fair Warning: This is gonna get real heavy real quick.

For the past at least 5 years I’ve said that I’ll probably need another surgery around age 30.

I’m around age 30.

FUUUUCK…

I only came to that realization at therapy this morning. I got a call 4-6 weeks ago that I was due for my annual check-up and I’ve been putting off calling them back to set up an appointment because subconsciously I didn’t want to face it. It being the fact that my prophecy might be coming true.

My eternal optimism did take a hit when I realized that.

But 12 hours later and it’s still a bit hurt.

I’m scared.

But… I’m scared.

It sucks I have to go through this, but my father has had 6 hip replacements, my sister has had kidney stones multiple times, one of my grandmothers has had cancer multiple times. We all deal with the shit that is life. Some are dealt a better hand than others, but we all deal with some sort of shit now and then. My shit just happens to be chronic and every-so-often for the extent of my life.

I’m scared

I’m scared, but I’ll face it and conquer it. Because, like I said above, I’m the eternal optimist. And this won’t get me. I’ve gone through two of these already. Who’s to say I won’t be able to get through a 3rd?

Being scared is ok.

Bowing to being scared is ok.

Not getting your annual check up done is not ok.

My task from my therapist this week is to call and schedule my annual check-up.

I will do this.
I have to do this.

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